Its Been a While

Bad news, I gained back what I lost.

Good news, I didn't gain back more.

I think I have mentioned before, I am an emotional eater. I get frustrated and have a cookie, Depressed and eat ice cream. Angry and I eat 4 or 5 mini snickers. There is something very comforting about having a very full belly. Something therapeutic about chewing. A satisfaction in swallowing.

This fat that I put on serves a purpose. Its here for a reason and I believe that in order to lose it, I need to identify that need and satisfy it in a non caloric way. When I work through the issues that necessitate this form of coping, I don't think I will have a weight problem. I don't even expect to be emotionally healed at that time, just honest with myself about why I do what I do.

I give Up

x-4

this sucks

Day Fifteen

X-4

Well I started with good intentions right? That counts for something right?

I pigged out over the holiday. I'm not sure if you are aware, but candy is kind of a big deal around Easter

Soooooo. I'm back on the diet. Fortunately we ended up with 32 hard boiled eggs. I made some deviled eggs and some egg salad. My brothers girlfriend hooked me up with a low carb chicken salad recipie that calls for eggs and there's tuna salad too. I think I can do this!!!

I am going to do another week of induction to make up for the sloppy weekend. And my goal should be to get in 3 workouts a week.

1/2 cup egg salad

2 deviled eggs

3 almond m&ms (whoops)

OK maybe try harder tomorrow

Dammit.

Day Eleven

X-6 (+/-0)

UG, SOOOOOOOOOO bored.

I am starting to crave lowly sandwich bread.

Snack: Atkins Shake 1/4

Breakfast: eggs 1, feta 1, spinach 1

Snack: Steaz

Snack: String Cheese 1

Snack: Cream cheese 2

Day Ten

X-6 (-.5)

Last night I was very very bummed out. I am expecting my period by the end of the week. My neck is itchy and there is a spot on my back that could be cancer. Woo.

I pooped 3 times today. This is good news. I hadn't pooped in 4 days. Sorry for the disgustingly wonderful news.

Breakfast: eggs 1, american cheese 2, ham 2

Snack: Atkins shake 1/4

Lunch: Soup, boullion 1, cheese 1, chicken 0, cream 0, spices 0

Dinner: Pork Tenderloin 0, Jerk Seasoning 1, squash and zucchini 3

12 / 15

Day Nine

X-5.5 (+1)

BOOOOOOO.

I know that it doesn't mean much and that losing that pound is a bathroom trip away. But it bugs me and makes me question if it's all worth it. The answer is: Chill out Carrie. Keep up the good work. Micromanaging my carbs gets me hypersensitive about my weight. Maybe it was the 6 grams of BBQ sauce that I should have done with out. Maybe those Atkins shakes are bad. Maybe the bacon fat is refusing to leave.

Ok I'm done worrying about it. Its not really the day to day number I need to worry about. Its the week to week, big picture number and losing 5 pounds in a week is a good thing. Well, its a step in the right direction. Realistically that is way too much to lose in way too short a time period. But I digress.

I went to the movies last night. I did not eat popcorn, nor did I really want to. I did not get that obsessive 'HAVE TO HAVE IT' feeling. I was not craving salt. I drank a gigantic diet coke. That was plenty. The movie was good by the way.

9:25 Little depressed to be honest. Good thing is I am not eating my feelings.

Breakfast: hamburger 0, two slices bacon 0, pickles 0, cheese 1, ketchup 1, Steaz 0

Lunch: 2 eggs 1, feta 1, asiago 0, cream 0, spinach and green onion 1, steaz 0

Dinner: two cups spinach 2, cheddar 0, asiago 0, bacon bits 0, hot sauce 0, caesar dressing 2

total 9

Day Eight

It has been one week. Its been a good week. I've had weak moments and moments that were not so weak. I'm trying to make you uncomfortable with my repetitive use of the homophones week and weak. Jokes on me, though. This whole blog is weak and I'm sure my readership is weak at best.

So it has been a WHOLE WEEK. I have eaten less than 140 carbs in that time and lost.... drum roll........ 6.5 pounds

X-6.5 (-5)

I was talking to Brian about what I miss. I do not miss potatoes and rice and pasta. If I do its a convenience thing rather than a 'boy I really could go for...' sort of thing. Its more like, man lasagna sounds good, oh well.

The things I really miss are breads, like sourdough rolls, baguettes, a warm focaccia. I had been baking a lot and so the muffins and cookies and cakes were a warm comfort in my tummy. I miss sweets of all kinds. I miss greasy fresh tortilla chips. BUT. ITs not like I wont be able to have those things ever again. I just need to choose wisely when I do indulge. I think ned monday night, I might petition for a Pasta House run for some lasagna, salad, rolls and a big old piece of chocolate turtle cheesecake. That would be a great meal. And worth the carbs.

One thing I remember about this diet is that its common to plateau. To bump yourself into a new phase of weightloss, you have to eat the bad stuff and maybe over do it. Say, HEY BODY, don't stop metabolizing my belly fat, yo!

So we'll just have to see how the next phase goes, but I'm planning on letting loose in one small meal when I have completed my 2 week induction period.

I was reading about Phase Two, Ongoing Weight Loss. In week 3, I add 5 grams of carbs to my daily count, and add 5 grams each week until I am within 10 pounds of my goal weight. This will slow my weightloss, but will ease me into a very reasonable maintainable diet. In the meantime I also will discover my magic number of carbs that I can eat and still lose weight. This is taken from the Atkins website:

Your CCLL is your own very personal carbohydrate threshold. It’s the number of Net Carbs you can eat each day and still lose weight.

For example, let’s say you add 5 Net Carbs a week to your daily carb consumption until you get to 45 grams. Up to that point, you’ve kept losing weight, but at 45 grams of carbs per day, your weight loss stalls. Guess what, your CCLL is approximately 40 grams of Net Carbs per day. It’s that simple. You know that as long as you consume around 40 or fewer grams of Net Carbs daily, you’ll keep losing weight.

The really interesting thing is, everyone’s CCLL number is different.

Within 10 pounds of my goal will be X-20 pounds. I'm pretty excited about that. Its not too far off and I am ready and willing to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve my goals!

So anyway the kitchen sink is full of last nights dishes and I dont really feel like emptying the dishwasher just yet, so I am not making breakfast. Just having a snack to tide me over until I feel like cooking...

Oh before I forget. Last night while we were waiting for dinner to cook, I had pepperoni and cheese as a snack. I remembered this only a moment ago when I was once again, snacking on pepperoni and cheese :) Add a carb to yesterdays total.

My soup was SOOOOO good. I grilled a chicken breast with salt and pepper. Then dissolved a bouillon cube in a cup of water. Then to the broth I added cumin, onion powder, garlic salt, cayenne, and oregano. I added a quarter cup to a half cup of cream. Then I chopped up the chicken and added it and added about 2 T of shredded cheddar. Stir up and enjoy!!!

Breakfast snack: Pepperoni 0, cheese 1, a Steaz 0

Lunch: Soup Broth 1, cream 0, cheese 1, chicken 0 a steaz 0

Snack: Atkins Shake 1/4

Dinner: Lettuce 1, Cheese 0, Caesar Dressing 2, green Beans 1, ribs 0 bbq sauce 3

10 /13

I'm off to see a movie tonight! Hope the popcorn isn't too tempting :) I'm definitely getting a soda! Maybe I'll stop by the Walgreen's for a carb free snack. You know, I didn't see many movies at the theatre growing up, but the few times I did, we never bought anything. We were taught to not even ask for snacks.

Any honestly why can't we sit for 2 hours without shoveling food down out throat? OK, just a soda.

My food scale came in handy tonight. I know I can't have bbq sauce, but I measured out 6 grams , one teaspoon It was worth the 3 carbs!

Additionally. I want to apologize for the many many typos. I know they're there, I just generally don't really re-read these. I just post. So my apologies!