Its Been a While

Bad news, I gained back what I lost.

Good news, I didn't gain back more.

I think I have mentioned before, I am an emotional eater. I get frustrated and have a cookie, Depressed and eat ice cream. Angry and I eat 4 or 5 mini snickers. There is something very comforting about having a very full belly. Something therapeutic about chewing. A satisfaction in swallowing.

This fat that I put on serves a purpose. Its here for a reason and I believe that in order to lose it, I need to identify that need and satisfy it in a non caloric way. When I work through the issues that necessitate this form of coping, I don't think I will have a weight problem. I don't even expect to be emotionally healed at that time, just honest with myself about why I do what I do.

I give Up

x-4

this sucks

Day Fifteen

X-4

Well I started with good intentions right? That counts for something right?

I pigged out over the holiday. I'm not sure if you are aware, but candy is kind of a big deal around Easter

Soooooo. I'm back on the diet. Fortunately we ended up with 32 hard boiled eggs. I made some deviled eggs and some egg salad. My brothers girlfriend hooked me up with a low carb chicken salad recipie that calls for eggs and there's tuna salad too. I think I can do this!!!

I am going to do another week of induction to make up for the sloppy weekend. And my goal should be to get in 3 workouts a week.

1/2 cup egg salad

2 deviled eggs

3 almond m&ms (whoops)

OK maybe try harder tomorrow

Dammit.

Day Eleven

X-6 (+/-0)

UG, SOOOOOOOOOO bored.

I am starting to crave lowly sandwich bread.

Snack: Atkins Shake 1/4

Breakfast: eggs 1, feta 1, spinach 1

Snack: Steaz

Snack: String Cheese 1

Snack: Cream cheese 2

Day Ten

X-6 (-.5)

Last night I was very very bummed out. I am expecting my period by the end of the week. My neck is itchy and there is a spot on my back that could be cancer. Woo.

I pooped 3 times today. This is good news. I hadn't pooped in 4 days. Sorry for the disgustingly wonderful news.

Breakfast: eggs 1, american cheese 2, ham 2

Snack: Atkins shake 1/4

Lunch: Soup, boullion 1, cheese 1, chicken 0, cream 0, spices 0

Dinner: Pork Tenderloin 0, Jerk Seasoning 1, squash and zucchini 3

12 / 15

Day Nine

X-5.5 (+1)

BOOOOOOO.

I know that it doesn't mean much and that losing that pound is a bathroom trip away. But it bugs me and makes me question if it's all worth it. The answer is: Chill out Carrie. Keep up the good work. Micromanaging my carbs gets me hypersensitive about my weight. Maybe it was the 6 grams of BBQ sauce that I should have done with out. Maybe those Atkins shakes are bad. Maybe the bacon fat is refusing to leave.

Ok I'm done worrying about it. Its not really the day to day number I need to worry about. Its the week to week, big picture number and losing 5 pounds in a week is a good thing. Well, its a step in the right direction. Realistically that is way too much to lose in way too short a time period. But I digress.

I went to the movies last night. I did not eat popcorn, nor did I really want to. I did not get that obsessive 'HAVE TO HAVE IT' feeling. I was not craving salt. I drank a gigantic diet coke. That was plenty. The movie was good by the way.

9:25 Little depressed to be honest. Good thing is I am not eating my feelings.

Breakfast: hamburger 0, two slices bacon 0, pickles 0, cheese 1, ketchup 1, Steaz 0

Lunch: 2 eggs 1, feta 1, asiago 0, cream 0, spinach and green onion 1, steaz 0

Dinner: two cups spinach 2, cheddar 0, asiago 0, bacon bits 0, hot sauce 0, caesar dressing 2

total 9

Day Eight

It has been one week. Its been a good week. I've had weak moments and moments that were not so weak. I'm trying to make you uncomfortable with my repetitive use of the homophones week and weak. Jokes on me, though. This whole blog is weak and I'm sure my readership is weak at best.

So it has been a WHOLE WEEK. I have eaten less than 140 carbs in that time and lost.... drum roll........ 6.5 pounds

X-6.5 (-5)

I was talking to Brian about what I miss. I do not miss potatoes and rice and pasta. If I do its a convenience thing rather than a 'boy I really could go for...' sort of thing. Its more like, man lasagna sounds good, oh well.

The things I really miss are breads, like sourdough rolls, baguettes, a warm focaccia. I had been baking a lot and so the muffins and cookies and cakes were a warm comfort in my tummy. I miss sweets of all kinds. I miss greasy fresh tortilla chips. BUT. ITs not like I wont be able to have those things ever again. I just need to choose wisely when I do indulge. I think ned monday night, I might petition for a Pasta House run for some lasagna, salad, rolls and a big old piece of chocolate turtle cheesecake. That would be a great meal. And worth the carbs.

One thing I remember about this diet is that its common to plateau. To bump yourself into a new phase of weightloss, you have to eat the bad stuff and maybe over do it. Say, HEY BODY, don't stop metabolizing my belly fat, yo!

So we'll just have to see how the next phase goes, but I'm planning on letting loose in one small meal when I have completed my 2 week induction period.

I was reading about Phase Two, Ongoing Weight Loss. In week 3, I add 5 grams of carbs to my daily count, and add 5 grams each week until I am within 10 pounds of my goal weight. This will slow my weightloss, but will ease me into a very reasonable maintainable diet. In the meantime I also will discover my magic number of carbs that I can eat and still lose weight. This is taken from the Atkins website:

Your CCLL is your own very personal carbohydrate threshold. It’s the number of Net Carbs you can eat each day and still lose weight.

For example, let’s say you add 5 Net Carbs a week to your daily carb consumption until you get to 45 grams. Up to that point, you’ve kept losing weight, but at 45 grams of carbs per day, your weight loss stalls. Guess what, your CCLL is approximately 40 grams of Net Carbs per day. It’s that simple. You know that as long as you consume around 40 or fewer grams of Net Carbs daily, you’ll keep losing weight.

The really interesting thing is, everyone’s CCLL number is different.

Within 10 pounds of my goal will be X-20 pounds. I'm pretty excited about that. Its not too far off and I am ready and willing to make the sacrifices necessary to achieve my goals!

So anyway the kitchen sink is full of last nights dishes and I dont really feel like emptying the dishwasher just yet, so I am not making breakfast. Just having a snack to tide me over until I feel like cooking...

Oh before I forget. Last night while we were waiting for dinner to cook, I had pepperoni and cheese as a snack. I remembered this only a moment ago when I was once again, snacking on pepperoni and cheese :) Add a carb to yesterdays total.

My soup was SOOOOO good. I grilled a chicken breast with salt and pepper. Then dissolved a bouillon cube in a cup of water. Then to the broth I added cumin, onion powder, garlic salt, cayenne, and oregano. I added a quarter cup to a half cup of cream. Then I chopped up the chicken and added it and added about 2 T of shredded cheddar. Stir up and enjoy!!!

Breakfast snack: Pepperoni 0, cheese 1, a Steaz 0

Lunch: Soup Broth 1, cream 0, cheese 1, chicken 0 a steaz 0

Snack: Atkins Shake 1/4

Dinner: Lettuce 1, Cheese 0, Caesar Dressing 2, green Beans 1, ribs 0 bbq sauce 3

10 /13

I'm off to see a movie tonight! Hope the popcorn isn't too tempting :) I'm definitely getting a soda! Maybe I'll stop by the Walgreen's for a carb free snack. You know, I didn't see many movies at the theatre growing up, but the few times I did, we never bought anything. We were taught to not even ask for snacks.

Any honestly why can't we sit for 2 hours without shoveling food down out throat? OK, just a soda.

My food scale came in handy tonight. I know I can't have bbq sauce, but I measured out 6 grams , one teaspoon It was worth the 3 carbs!

Additionally. I want to apologize for the many many typos. I know they're there, I just generally don't really re-read these. I just post. So my apologies!

Day Seven

X-6 (-1)

Phew. That was a relief!

I'm feeling pretty good. Not much else to say. Happy and satiated. Oh I want more sTEAz!!! I'm thinking of getting a tax id so I can buy it wholesale Oh yea. Its that good.

I'm a little bored with breakfast, I had to mix it up this morning. Its terrible to be sick of bacon. TERRIBLE!!!!

So lunch was a pleasant surprise. No not surprised that McDonalds had a reasonably tasty salad with not many carbs. Surprising was my lack of desire for a french fry. I LOVE McDonads fries. Really really love them... And yet, I did not feel jealous or tempted. Pretty cool.

I found a new flavor of Steaz at Dierbergs. Blueberry Pomegranate I think. I might have one now! I'll let you know if its good.

Yes the tea is good. Unfortunately the last think I drank was an Atkins Shake which was not good. It had the mouth feel of Milk of Magnesia, not exactly pleasant. I don't really want to be thinking of diarrhea when have my dessert. I am not really sure if I should count the carbs on the nutrition label (4) or the "net carbs" 1. Maybe I will wait and see if I gained weight. Then I'll know to ignore the "net" number.

To be completely honest with you and more importantly myself, I ate two pieces of Cap'n Crunch cereal and a teensy taste of Masons chocolate shake. I better add a carb... :(

My stomach is sore... :P

Breakfast: Salmon 0 with dijon dill sauce 1, salad 1 with dressing 0 and asiago 0

Lunch: Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad from McDonalds! 7

Snack: Steaz 0

Dinner:Lettuce 1, Dressing 0, tomato 2, bacon 0, green beans 2,

Dessert: Chocolate Atkins Shake 4/1

I cheated: 1

Total 16 -19

Day Six

X-5 (-.5)

Today was a challenge!!!

I have to confess, yesterday after I posted, I chewed a piece of gum which added 1 carb to my total.

I was really tired when we got home from the mall. I don't know what I was thinking when I suggested that. I'd much rather shop when the old people are speed walking than when the young people are spastically bouncing from store to store, finding everything "ironic."

I slept really well until Mason came in at 6:21. I couldn't get back to sleep so I got up and straightened up the house and got a shower, did some laundry, fed the cats and cleaned the litter box. I made coffee, got a shower and then made breakfast. It was a really productive morning actually. Quite different than most weekend mornings. It was nice to see that I had not gained any more weight. Yesterday, I was more frustrated than I let on.

On to today's challenges: We had a birthday party to go to this afternoon. I successfully avoided pizza and cupcakes! I probably could have peeled the toppings off of that pizza, but frankly I would rather people think I'm not hungry than see what a weirdo I am throwing the delicious crust away. The bad news is that I was starving when we left and the closest option for food was a gas station. I thought I could find some jerky or something, but it turns out that jerky still has considerable carbs, so I got some sunflower seeds, a string cheese and and a hot dog.

I am NOT a fan of gas station food in any form so I think you can see I was a bit desperate. Then we went to Whole Foods. Now tell me its not ridiculous to visit a whole foods after eating a gas station meal. We got food for dinner, which will be an amazing contrast to my lunch. Considering the challenges of the day. I'm happy with my choices and am really looking forward to my organic beef tenderloin after the lips and asshole I had this afternoon!

PS, I am a bit constipated :(

So after dinner... AWESOME!!! It was just killer all the way around. Most impressive was the sparkling tea. Its called Steaz. It freaking rocks. I drink soda to cope but I always feel guilty about the chemicals. This is green tea, made or mixed with sparkling water and naturally sweetened with stevia, a zero calorie, all natural sweetener. Its expensive. But oh so worth it. It is loaded with B vitamins too. I was in love with Izzy sparkling fruit juice before, but Steaz is my soul mate.

Finishing a very close second was the gorgeous beef tenderloin. I butterflied it and salted and peppered it. Grilled it about medium well. Actually I cooked it just slightly more than I intended, but the natural tenderness of the meat forgave my slightly long cook time. The flavor rung through and was beautifully accented with a pungent yet earthy bleu cheese. The salad was baby romaine with another no carb new favorite: Cindy's Rosemary and Garlic Vinaigrette. Its zero carbs, 60 calories and absolutely delicious. Perfect for any foodie, diet conscious or not. The salad was topped with some shredded asiago for some extra dimension.

So freaking good. That was a heavenly meal. Oh! Clearly forgettable was the asparagus. I should have used Kosher salt. It was good but not great.

Breakfast: two slices bacon 0, sausage 0, eggs 1, cheese coffee 0 with cream 0

Lunch: Hot dog 3, mustard 0, quarter cup of sunflower seeds 4, string cheese 1

Dinner: Tenderloin 0, bleu cheese 1, salad 1, asaiago 0, dressing 0, asparagus 1, sparkeling tea 0

Total for the day 12. Fingers crossed for tomorrow. I hope I lose a little bit but if not... dinner was worth it.

I'll probably have another tea for dessert.

Day Five

X-4.5 (+1) :(

So clearly I gained back one pound, which is a bummer, but I'm not too distraught. As compensation for clearly snacking too much, I decided to punish myself with a sausage, bacon, egg and cheese breakfast bowl.

Bad Carrie.

I woke up last night having to pee. I tried to ignore it but couldn't and by the time I made myself get out of bed, I was fully awake.

I spent the next 30 seconds peeing and the next hour and a half worrying about the Mexican Drug Cartel, al Quaeda, the Taliban, Women Rights, Crystal Meth. The last thing I remember was saying a somewhat desperate prayer for guidance in my own life and tolerance for the people leading violent wars in St. Louis City to the other side of the earth. It just seems too bad to fix... I think of the flood. I wonder if the recent earthquakes and tsunami and hurricanes and volcanos are going to be regarded as cleansing events if humans are lucky enough to be around in a thousand years.

Off Topic!

So I woke up this morning tired, but during a WONDERFUL dream about me playing my songs to a crowd of 5000, everyone of them chanting my name. It was pretty bad ass.

Worth mentioning, I'm emotional today.

I somehow avoided snacking today, penance for snacking SO much yesterday. I had a sodo this afternoon which probably helped. I'll probably have a soda for dessert :)

Breakfast: two pieces bacon 0, two pieces sausage 0, two eggs 1, cheese 1.

Lunch: quarter pound beef burger 0, cheese 1, pickle 0, tomato slice 1

Dinner: turkey burger 2, spinach salad 1, cheese, 1, dressing 2

total 10

Day Four

X - 5.5 (-1.5)

I was restless last night. Maybe because of the coffee, maybe the evening run/walk. It was hot in my room.

I took a long time getting out of bed this morning, but I wasn't sleepy, I watched some TV. Which I never do. I have a mild headache. It could be dehydration or mold. It is drizzling here and when it gets damp I can feel it behind my eyes.

My body was very sore last night and moderately sore today. Its a surprise that the 3 mile would affect me. I haven't been diligent, but in the last few weeks I have been getting back to it and have not had any soreness.

I am starting to get a little bored with eggs. I almost made salmon for breakfast. I am really in the mood for it, so I guess I'll make it for dinner.

I am a little cranky and cold. Breakfast was salty even though I added very little. I think I might have a soda this morning to quell my sweets craving.

Why oh why am I so darn hungry today??? Phew. Good thing I have reasonable snacks. Cookies and Capt'n Crunch, A Sucker... I am very very tempted. VERY. It seems like it would feel very satisfying to eat any of these things. Grr. Lets get through today!

I had a soda this afternoon, I'm sure I'll have another, just to feel like I indulged.

Breakfast: two eggs 1, cheese 1, spinach 1, mushrooms 1, bacon bits 0

Lunch: one cup cucumber 2, French onion dip 2 ps yum

Snack: Chicken Broth 1

Snack 2: lean ham 1

Snack 3: two celery stalks 2, french onion dip 2

Dinner: way too many chicken wings 0, salad 4

Total 18

Not too bad for a day that I felt I snacked more than usual. I got really really tired again around 5:30. Brian didn't want salmon, he wanted Buffalo Wild Boneless Wings. Not exactly low carb. We ate dinner late, about 7:15. It was so good. I sprinkled every type of pepper we own on those wings. I didn't follow a recipe. I totally "winged" it. Then I ate my salad with spicy ranch dressing cheddar cheese and bacon bits! Effing yum.

Today was a little lazy. I didn't have to work so I guess I kind of took the day off, if that's even possible for a stay at home mom. I don't have plans to work out. Its rainy and gross out and I ate so late... Tomorrow I think I might make that salmon for breakfast.

Day Three

X-4 (-2.5)

Hi Dee Hoo,

I'm very encouraged by the "weight loss." I'm putting it in quotes because it may very well be water weight and I'm too pessimistic of a person to think my body is actually burning fat for energy only 2 whole days in.

It really does help to quantify the result of doing this diet and so even though I may need to take these 4 pounds with a grain of salty bacon fat, I am taking them.

Instead of taking a walk last night, we walked down to our neighborhood pond and went fishing. I happen to LOVE fishing. Its a shame you don't burn more calories doing it. Maybe deep sea fishing you get a work out, but thats only if you are fighting 400 pounds of Marlin. The little (I want to call them Perch) are fun to catch, but you are not going to exert much energy reeling in a wiggly 4oz fish.

So we got home, Dylan wanted to run part way, (bonus.) I am still pretty thirsty so I drank another 2 glasses of water before bed. I was pretty tired and fell asleep at about 10 maybe, but my neighbors car alarm went off and woke me up. It was another hour or two before I got back to sleep.

Maybe it was the caffeine I had after dinner?

I indulged myself and weighed in last night at -2.5. I was excited because I knew after a nights sleep it would be even more. Yay 4 lbs, btw. I snoozed only once before I got up. And I got up earlier than necessary, because today I don't have to work until about 10:30. I think that is a good sign that I have ample energy.

I have been thinking hard about my meals, but trying not to over think them. There is a balance between planning and obsessing that I am teetering around. I want ham, cheese and eggs for breakfast and I have some ground turkey and cilantro that sounds good for lunch. Maybe with some jalepenos and a tablespoon of diced tomato? I know tomatoes are carb city, but in tiny doses, maybe worth a gram or two. Not sure what to do about dinner. I mentioned we might be having friends over... So its got to be affordable and protein heavy without making everyone else miserable.

One thing I noticed this morning is a zit on my forehead and really dry skin on my face. Not drier than usual and for a 32 year old I get zits all the time, but you'd think with all the water... Maybe it just needs more time. I'll keep my eye on it. Additionally, my throat is getting better, my neck is still sore.

More later!

Breakfast: two eggs 1, slice american cheese 2, half serving honey ham 1, two cups of coffee with cream 0

Lunch: a quarter pound turkey burger with seasonings 2,

Snack: lettuce 1 cheese 1 bacon bits 0 dressing 2

Dinner: third pound burger 0, cheese 2, pickle 0, lettuce 1, dressing 2 parm cheese 0

I might have a soda later.

I was yawning like crazy at 5:30. Not sure what that means. Besides that I was tired. The weather is gorgeous, so I might take a walk if i can keep my shoe from tearing up my ankle.

Total for the day: 16

Just a quick update. I thought it was important to mention that i had a bad bout of anxiety this afternoon. I definitely want to be honest about my mood, so, there you go.

Also, blister be damned I went ahead and try the 3 mile. I made the distance but only ran the first half. The second half i slacked off. But the important thing is I got out and got some exercise. When I came home I had a less than ideal number two. But I'll take it. I remember hardly pooping at all the first time I tried this and quite frankly, its a little disconcerting when your regularity becomes, well, irregular.

Day Two

X-1.5

I saw a picture of breakfast in the RedBook last night. One of the upsides to this goofy diet is bacon and sausage, so, I decided to set my alarm an hour early so i could run up to Walmart and buy some, you guessed it: bacon and sausage.

Typical Carrie does not get up early, period. But this morning I pretty much jumped out of bed and got my fat ass to the store for breakfast meat.

My throat still feels a little swollen, and my neck muscles have been really sore.

So far my energy is good. I'm optimistic. I want to have some friends for dinner though and I'll be tested with the alcohol. After two weeks I can start drinking in very small amounts. Thats fine, really, but I dont want to wait two weeks for a delicious Gin and (diet) Tonic.

I have been drinking a LOT of water. I know in a couple days I'll notice my skin looking better. In the mean time, it drives me nuts to have to pee so much.

Breakfast was one piece of sausage 0, two slices bacon 0, one egg 1, cheese 1, two cups of coffee 0 with cream 0.

Lunch lettuce 1 caesar dressing 2 parm cheese 1

Dinner, a GIANT BBQ Pork Chop 0, lettuce 1, dressing 2, cheese 1, asparagus 2.

Dessert, a diet soda 0

12 carbs so far, :)

That is all I plan to eat today. I have been drinking a LOT of water and of course going pee like crazy. I was pretty tired at 5:30. I feel ok now. That pork chop was seriously HUGE, but it tasted really good so I just ate until there was no more to eat. I have yet to seriously work out. We are talking about a taking walk in a little bit. I'm stressed out about running because my tennis shoes rubbed a rather huge blister off my heel. It was so sore and I am getting a new pair soon. Probably when our tax return comes this Friday. It will be good to get out and take advantage of the kick ass weather. That should be it for today! More tomorrow!

Day One

I should have written this yesterday. I started Atkins. I just wanted to have a food journal and some accountability. I want to lose 30 lbs.

Monday March 22

I weighed X. I'm seriously vain and not even going to tell you how fat I am!

Dinner

Broccoli 1, lettuce 1, cheese 0, bacon bits 0, strawberry 1, dressing 2, a chicken breast 0 with jamaican jerk seasoning 1

I had lettuce 1 with dressing 2 and pork tenderloin 0 with jerk seasoning 1

I ate 2 egg omlet 2 with 4 baby portobello 1 and some cheese 1.

Cheese 1, pepperoni 0 and a pickle 0.

That is 15 carbs.

I started the day with a sore throat. My intention was to run, but by the end of the day I was exhausted and nearly fell asleep at 8:30.

I took some cold medicine . I went to bed about 11, I think.